People around the world come to the subreddit r/AmItheA**hole to find out whether they’re in the wrong on whatever issue they’re currently having with another person or people. Reddit commenters generally use one of four terms to describe their opinions on the situation:
- YTA: you’re the a**hole
- NTA: not the a**hole
- NAH: no a**holes here
- ESH: everyone sucks here
Reddit has collectively declared this woman NTA (not the a**hole) after she explained why she canceled her entire family’s vacation because of something her husband did. Read on to find out what happened.
“My husband and I have been together for 3 years,” explains Reddit user u/Throwaway317515. “He has 3 kids from his previous relationship, and I have one. She’s the oldest (17). He’s a dedicated man, puts God first and loves everyone.
“My husband always complains that my daughter doesn’t spend time with her stepsiblings or him but she has reasons for that and that is school, health issues and work. She does her best to spend as much time with them as she can. but she on the other hand complains that her stepdad tells her to basically take on the role of a babysitter whenever she’s with her stepsiblings. My husband denied that and said that my daughter was making up excuses to not have to spend time with his kids.”
This family struggle is difficult enough as it is, but things really got heated when the family began planning a vacation together.
“For this issue, I figured that a family trip is what the family need to get together and spend more time around each other,” says the OP (original poster). “My husband liked the idea but said that his kids are now “uncomfortable” around my daughter because of her “attitude” and suggested we let her stay home and have the house all to herself since that’s “what she always wanted”. I told him it’s best that we all go. he kept complaing til I snapped and told him to stop.
“I booked (paid) for the whole family. However, my daughter told me she couldn’t find her passport. We turned the house upside down looking for it but couldn’t find it. My husband said maybe it was a sign from God that we should let her stay home so the trip wouldn’t turn into a disaster. I ignored his comment but later while I was cleaning his office I found the passport, tucked away in the 3rd drawer under a ton of papers. I was floored by this, I confronted him with it and he swore he had no idea why or how the passport got there. I checked the upstairs camera and saw him enter my daughter’s room. That was it for me, I screamed my head off at him then cancelled the whole trip completely. He started arguing saying I overreacted and that he didn’t want his kids to be “miserable” on the trip and that willing to apologize to my daughter if and when I reconsider my decision regarding the cancellation of the trip, because my stepkids will be devastated but I said it was final and that it was done.”
“He become cold and distant and said that he wants to take some time to do some fasting and get guidance from God about how he should deal with the disrespect and control I had displayed lately.
“AITA [am I the a**hole] for canceling it altogether?”
Commenter AbbyBirb states, “NTA. He can’t use your daughter as free child-care for his children… so he intentionally alienates her from his family (and yes, I said his family because it is very apparent he does not consider your family his family!)”
Another reader, Sel-Reddit, writes, “NTA. Book a trip for just you & your daughter. A MAN OF GOD?! You need to stop calling him that. It’s blatantly untrue and you need to open your eyes to his ACTIONS vs his WORDS.”
Another commenter, Uh-Cromer, also declared the OP to be NTA and elaborated, “This is gaslighting. He wants you to think that you ‘disrespecting him’ (defending your daughter from a thief) is worse than him hiding her passport and lying about it. I’m an atheist, but if his God is real, he’s got a special place reserved for your husband.”
Well, I think it’s safe to say the mother is NTA in this situation, but her husband definitely is, and it sounds like the kids are bearing the brunt of it. Although it’s sad that the family won;t get to go on their vacation, maybe it’s more important right now to stay home together and figure out their differences.Whizzco